I'm stupid, I'm ugly, I'm dumb, I smell. Did I mention I'm stupid?
Life would be tragic if it weren't funny.
I pretty much try to stay in a constant state of confusion just because of the expression it leaves on my face.
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
You can tell alot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.
Politics is the entertainment branch of industry.
Some scientists claim that hydrogen, because it is so plentiful, is the basic building block of the universe. I dispute that. I say there is more stupidity than hydrogen, and that is the basic building block of the universe.
Credit is a system whereby a person who can not pay gets another person who can not pay to guarantee that he can pay.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing
I never drink coffee at lunch. I find it keeps me awake for the afternoon.
If you want to get laid, go to college. If you want an education, go to the library.
I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.
I was the first woman to burn my bra - it took the fire department four days to put it out.
Some of the worst mistakes of my life have been haircuts.
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
Be yourself, everyone else is already taken
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
My weaknesses have always been food and men - in that order.