Life would be tragic if it weren't funny.
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing
I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.
I never drink coffee at lunch. I find it keeps me awake for the afternoon.
I was the first woman to burn my bra - it took the fire department four days to put it out.
Be yourself, everyone else is already taken
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
Some scientists claim that hydrogen, because it is so plentiful, is the basic building block of the universe. I dispute that. I say there is more stupidity than hydrogen, and that is the basic building block of the universe.
I pretty much try to stay in a constant state of confusion just because of the expression it leaves on my face.
I'm stupid, I'm ugly, I'm dumb, I smell. Did I mention I'm stupid?
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
Credit is a system whereby a person who can not pay gets another person who can not pay to guarantee that he can pay.
Politics is the entertainment branch of industry.
Some of the worst mistakes of my life have been haircuts.
If you want to get laid, go to college. If you want an education, go to the library.
My weaknesses have always been food and men - in that order.
You can tell alot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.