Funny

Quotes

The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
– Salvador Dali
Be yourself, everyone else is already taken
– Oscar Wilde
My weaknesses have always been food and men - in that order.
– Dolly Parton
I was the first woman to burn my bra - it took the fire department four days to put it out.
– Dolly Parton
I never drink coffee at lunch. I find it keeps me awake for the afternoon.
– Ronald Reagan
Some scientists claim that hydrogen, because it is so plentiful, is the basic building block of the universe. I dispute that. I say there is more stupidity than hydrogen, and that is the basic building block of the universe.
– Frank Zappa
If you want to get laid, go to college. If you want an education, go to the library.
– Frank Zappa
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing
– Emo Philips
You can tell alot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.
– Ronald Reagan
Politics is the entertainment branch of industry.
– Frank Zappa
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
– Dolly Parton
Some of the worst mistakes of my life have been haircuts.
– Jim Morrison
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
– Frank Zappa
Life would be tragic if it weren't funny.
– Stephen Hawking
Credit is a system whereby a person who can not pay gets another person who can not pay to guarantee that he can pay.
– Charles Dickens
I'm stupid, I'm ugly, I'm dumb, I smell. Did I mention I'm stupid?
– Eminem
I pretty much try to stay in a constant state of confusion just because of the expression it leaves on my face.
– Johnny Depp
I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.
– Winston Churchill